Argo

Sometimes film throws something unexpected at you. They can be things like Jim Carrey being an excellent serious actor (Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind), Sylvester Stallone making a very good modern Rocky film (Rocky Balboa), or anybody actually paying to see a Kevin James movie (literally any Kevin James movie). But on this occasion, we see the release of a film which was highly expected to crown the restoration of the reputation of Ben Affleck; it's Argo.

When we first really got a glimpse of Ben Affleck, we saw a man of great promise, with pleasing contributions (be it in front or behind the camera) in Good Will Hunting and the Kevin Smith films Mallrats, Chasing Amy and Dogma, and we all thought we had something good coming along. Unfortunately, however, roles in movies like Armageddon, Pearl Harbour, Daredevil and Gigli pretty much caused a blitz on his reputation (and pretty fairly so, if we're being honest about most of those films). But then we saw a glimmer of hope in him once more when Gone Baby Gone and The Town arrived; the key difference of course, being that Affleck was also directing, and what do you know it, he's done the same again this time. Seems the more creative influence the man has, the better his films tend to be: therefore we can either assume he just got lazy and has terrible taste in roles, or he simply got sick of terrible roles and wrote stuff for himself. Either way, it worked out great for us.

Argo is a movie 'inspired by' (meaning a lot of it actually happened, but some parts have most likely been sexified) by the 1979 Iranian hostage crisis. A short summary...because it's kinda also the plot...goes as follows: Iranian protesters raid the U.S. embassy in Tehran in response to the disgraced Shah being granted hospitality in America, where he spent months being treated in hospitals. Over 50 embassy employees (as well as people who happened to be there at the time) where taken hostage, whilst 6 Americans escaped and took shelter in secret at the Canadian embassy. Tony Mendez (Affleck), a CIA man whose speciality was to get endangered Americans out of hostile situations abroad becomes part of the think-tank to rescue the six in hiding. Mendez comes up with the idea of flying to Tehran, posing as a Canadian film maker, rendezvousing with the escapees where he would train the Americans on their back stories; the rest of the film crew. So they have to make a fake movie look realistic so that the Iranians will believe it enough to allow the 'Canadian's to leave on a plane back home.

Now, this is an almost entirely true story, so you'd expect that to spoil the plot slightly...I mean, if you know anything about the event, you know how it ends. However, this couldn't really be further from the truth, as the right application of (and by which I mean a metric juggernaut load of) tension sucks you into the unfolding drama as it goes on, causing you to forget what actually happens, and instead think of what you'd do in that situation...and duly squeal like the baby fish falling off his rocking horse at the start of Finding Nemo.

The performances are all very solid. Particularly key to the success of this film are the roles of the six hostages; these needed to be interesting enough to warrant us actually caring about them, whilst staying realistic enough for us to accept that this actually happened. And that, is short, is exactly what you get. Tate Donovan, Clea DuVall and Scoot McNairy are certainly the most eye-catching of the bunch, and each fulfil a required role in their group; leadership, fear and doubt respectively, which helps the film chug along nicely. Affleck himself is both prominent and understated at the same time; he's given a lot of screen time, but, true to his CIA character, you never really get an in-depth look at what's going on behind the job, although little hints are dropped in with regards to his wife and son, this is, thankfully, just an aside to the main plot. And then you have some truly joyous performances from three of the finest character actors around. First is Bryan Cranston (Malcolm In The Middle and, most spectacularly, Breaking Bad), who plays Jack O'Donnell, a chief at the CIA, but also a friend of Mendez. Second is John Goodman (Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona, The Artist...), as John Chambers, an Oscar-winning make-up artist used as a connection to Hollywood by Mendez. Finally, and my personal favourite, is Alan Arkin (Catch-22, Glengarry Glen Ross, Little Miss Sunshine and at least 17 bazillion others) as Lester Siegel, a Hollywood producer roped in by Chambers to help Mendez create the perfect fake movie. Again, without these three, the film wouldn't work, Cranston provides a stable professional/friendship grounding for Mendez, whilst the others not only have key roles in what needs to be accomplished in the success of the rescue mission, but also bring a dose of comedy relief done in the best possible taste.

This film will win awards, and hopefully not just because it happens to be based on a real-life act of insane heroism, but because it is genuinely very, very good. Despite there not being too much fast-paced action, or constant gags, the film really pulls you in, and that is simply because it doesn't do those things. It'll be one of those films that makes you feel all dandy for watching, understanding and enjoying it, because it's simultaneously simple yet smart; probably because what exactly happened is freakishly clever whilst also being totally stupid, as well as the film itself being produced in a straight-to-the-point manner.

5/5 - If you like to get submerged in the moment of real-life drama, you'll love it. You forget you're watching something that actually happened, which makes it all the more impressive when you remember that it's actually a film. Not only because of the daring of the real-life heroes, but also because you'll have just seen Ben Affleck produce something rare: a 'based on a true story' movie that isn't wallowing in pretence.

Stitches

Once every so often something so completely absurd and brilliant comes shambling out of cinemaland that it simply has to be seen to make it seem real. Whether that's Nicolas Cage appearing as flamed-headed superhero, or Ben Affleck turning out to be a really good director, some things are just so weird to imagine as a sensible idea that we just can't help but watch. Note: I'm definitely not saying that Ghost Rider was a good thing, not even a little bit. On this occasion, however, something so utterly stupid just happens to become a perfect recipe for cult fantastitude that you'll probably think I'm making it up. Ladies and gents, I present to you... Stitches.

A quick sum up of what this insane film is comprised of: it cost a meagre 600 000 Euros, is both a tribute and send-up of 80s slasher flicks, the main character/antagonist is a sleazy children's entertainer who comes back from the dead in his clown form to take his revenge...and he's played by Geordie comedian Ross Noble. If done in the wrong manner, this film sounds like it could be absolutely terrible, but, if done right, it could be fantastic.

So, as hinted, the plot goes... Richard 'Stitches' Grindle is a terrible clown who works birthday parties, and one party in particular sees him having to cope with a group of especially evil children. The kids end up accidentally causing the death of the clown, tripping him head first onto a kitchen knife in the dish washer. Jump to a few years down the line, and all the kids are now teenagers, and Tom, the birthday boy on that day, still troubled by the memory of it. He hosts a house party on the weekend of his birthday, which inadvertently reunites the original gathering. Stitches returns from his grave to get his revenge at the party, and clowny brilliance ensues.

It's simple, straightforward slasher stuff in terms of story, when you think about it. Traumatic event > Years later > 'Unexpected' return > Bloody havoc. However, this is about a clown. A clown who takes his revenge  in ways which are specifically appropriate to those who wronged him in life. And the whole film is done with a blatant sense of humour...it knows it's a clown, it knows it's lead is a stand-up comedian, and it knows just how stupid it is. As such, there aren't any scares to speak of, because that's not the point. There is, however, a loving bucketload of 80s style gore. We're talking a victim getting there head inflated with a balloon pump gore here, and quite a lot of it done without the use of CGI. Basically read that as: done the way horror films were done when they were fun. You'll definitely squirm at some of it, but a lot of the time you won't know if you want to wriggle uncomfortably at the thought, or wet yourself at how that gore was unleashed. This is not gore for gore sake: see the Hostel films for that sort of malarkey. This is gore done for hilarity...plus...it's a ruddy CLOWN bringing it forward.

In terms of performances, the whole supporting cast brings exactly what is expected of them. They're a group of typical film teenagers: the clown, the fat one, the artsy girl, the bully, the slutty girl, the weird boy, the uncool main boy with issues. These are token stereotypes of the slasher film, and are used simply to fill the role. But these characters have a little more flesh on the bones, and are actually quite funny to watch, or, more importantly, enjoyable to watch be set upon by a rampaging undead clown (definitely a sentence which should be said more frequently). But of course, the undoubted star of the whole thing is Ross Noble, whose performance is only funnier if you've seen his stand up, because you know you've seen elements of his insanity before. Everything from the daft gruff voice, to the clown-like ways he moves, every little thing Noble does is comedy gold. Clowns are naturally really, really, ridiculously super creepy, so Noble bringing his natural daftness turns it around a little into the ludicrous, but in a very good way. Arguably my favourite scene of the lot coming in the form of the high speed...bicycle chase, wherein a knife-wielding Stitches pursues two would-be victims on a tiny tricycle; pure absurdity, but performed in a way that makes it hilarious.

There's very much a feel of The League of Gentlemen and Psychoville to this film, and that is definitely a good thing. The humour is cheesey, but in a totally right way...not to mention a little sick. It gets just about everything right. The only complaint I would possibly have is that it's arguably a little too short and makes you wish you had a bit more fun...so I guess that's sort of a good thing too. Mind you, it really is a solid and brilliant tribute to the slasher, right down to the standard formula of those who have debauchery-related fun times are the first to get it. But of course...this is with an intentionally stupid clown as the main piece.

4/5 - Now I'm not saying it's Oscar-worthy, or that it's the same quality overall as a critic's darling sort of movie, but for what it is, this film is amazing. It's a low budget horror/comedy, which is a genre with standards set by Shaun of the Dead. Whilst this is certainly not at that level, it is extremely entertaining, and, most importantly, very funny. It features some of the best death scenes you're ever likely to see, and they're all done in great humour. Do yourself a favour, see it if you get the chance, it's certain to become a strong cult classic.