The Troll Hunter

It's been a while, but we're back and kicking...because that's so very obviously a common phrase. Not really been able to get myself to the cinema for a little while, but a Halloween movie marathon did leave me with a little gem to share with you... Presenting, The Troll Hunter.

The Troll Hunter is a Norwegian (where else?) light-hearted horror, presented in the mockumentary style of The Blair Witch Project, however, the genre is pretty much the only thing these two have in common. Originally released in 2010, the film is entirely in the native tongue, and as such suffered a lack of interest over here due to subtitles, I'm pleased to say it's starting to get a nice bit of a cult following.

This is the story of three university students tracking the mysterious appearances of dead bears all over Norway, before stumbling upon a very strange man at every single scene of the crime. They nag and stalk him until he relents, finally revealing that he is, in fact, a troll hunter, an employee of the government of Norway responsible for keeping the population of trolls under control, whilst working entirely in secret.

Okay, I know. It sounds absolutely preposterous. And in all honesty, it is. However, my advice here is simple: don't be a boring fart. This is a great example of how to make a tongue-in-cheek 'horror' movie. When you consider that the actor playing the eponymous hunter is one of Norway's most notable comics should tell you that this is to be watched for a bit of fun. The performances of all the cast are very open and honest, and they really do create the illusion that you're watching actual documentary footage...though definitely massively coincidental footage at that. There is a sense of humour that seeps from each of the cast, particularly brilliant is the debate over whether a troll will be able to smell the blood of a Muslim, or whether it's just Christians they like the taste of.

You will be impressed by the special effects too, and rightly so. There's really no way (NORWAY!) you could take this film as a good watch if they didn't make the trolls something special to look at, and they really are. Whether it's a three headed woodland troll or an 80ft mountain king, you'll certainly not be confusing them for those weird doll things...

The plot is, like I said, a bit coincidental, but then again, which films aren't? It is almost guilty of being a little too rainbows and sunshine cheese towards the end (no spoilers here), but saves itself entirely due to an ever present sense of humour and brilliantly daft little subplots running around in there. You get all sorts: environmentalism, animal rights, a fairly unexpected but unobtrusive love interest and probably one of the most unique car chases you're ever likely to see.

I thoroughly enjoyed this film, I really did. Go see it!

4/5 - Brilliant watch if you're looking for something original and fun, but still up for a little bit of a scare.

Farvel!

Top Ten Halloween Horrors

A moderately spooky evening to you all. What with one of my favourite faux-holidays of the year coming up, and the inevitable (and greatly anticipated) influx of horror films due to be shown on TV, I thought I'd share with you my favourite movies to watch around Halloween time. Yep, be they new, old, inbetweeny, I love a good horror film. In fact, I love a bad horror film, I mean, who doesn't get entertainment out of predicting when a drug taking teen is about to be picked off by the giant ghoul with the kitchen knife/machete/chainsaw/tomato? So here it is, my top ten favourite Halloween Horrors.

10. Let The Right One In

When this first came out, I must admit, I thought it was just another foreign language film doomed to be fawned over by the pretentious section of cinema goers. I'm glad I was wrong. Let The Right One In is a brilliant and refreshing new take on the vampire genre in a time where we have to suffer through vampires being the new fad, a great big thank you to that sparkly prat and his hairy werewolfy chum. None of that here. Nope, here we have a constantly eerie, and yet weirdly charming tale of a young boy who is bullied, and who stumbles upon an odd little girl who doesn't quite seem right. If nothing else, this piece of Swedish magnificence forces you to think about the what-ifs of vampire life...or undeath...or....something like that.

9. The Mist

Just one of many Stephen King novels to have been thrown at the big screen, and one which certainly works better than a bulk of the ones the author didn't want adapted, The Mist is probably one of the most disturbing films you're likely to see. Simple enough prospect; in true King style, everything is pretty much hunky-dory in Smalltown America, but things are bubbling under...and a portal to another dimension is accidentally opened by we silly humans. Now what you get is enormous bugs, and unseen horrors lurking in the eponymous mist that engulfs the town, but it is the social politics ripping through the survivors which is more disturbing. Extremist religious nutjobs and the suspicious hillbillies threaten our heroes throughout. Don't watch if you don't like really deep, really...really emotionally scarring endings, because that's certainly what you get here. Oh, and it's done by serial King adaptor Frank Darabont, who also did The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and current TV greatness, The Walking Dead, so you know it's good.

8. Dawn Of The Dead

If you haven't seen this, there is something wrong with you, there really is. George A. Romero's Dawn Of The Dead is, in my opinion the seminal zombie movie. The tale of survivors of the ongoing zombie apocalypse taking refuge in a shopping mall has become so ingrained into the minds of film fans that the majority of us can't help but form zombie contingency survival plans for pretty much every building we enter...especially shopping centres now. Rammed with cheeky humour (everyone in a shopping mall is a zombie...hur hur) and genuine scares throughout, the film even had time to produce a classic quote of movie history: When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.

7. 28 Days Later

Fairly quickly after George A. Romero's first few Dead offerings, the zombie genre died a death, and didn't crawl back out of the grave, clawing for our brains until 2002, when Danny Boyle gave us 28 Days Later. Basically, this story took our ideas of "what if zombies actually happened" and showed us just that. It's a modern zombie film, with all the daftness and camp taken out, meaning that it's really quite brutal. Anyone who has seen it will remember the truly mesmerising scene of our hero, seemingly the sole survivor of a virus ravaged London walking through the notable streets of the capital, totally alone, not a soul in sight. 28 Days Later makes zombies seem possible, and for that reason alone...it'll scare you out of most of your pants.

6. Shaun Of The Dead

The third and final zombie flick of the bunch, and it's definitely a goodun. Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's Shaun Of The Dead is both an absolutely hilarious comedy film and a genuinely chilling horror movie. Inspired by an episode of the equally brilliant Spaced, this is a film that lets a close group of zombie fans deliver countless tributes to their favourites of the genre, either by making you laugh or recoil in horror. Whether it's simply "You've got red on you" or the lovingly stolen "We're coming to get you Barbara!", Shaun Of The Dead knows what it's doing, and it'll confuse you...you want to laugh at it all the way through, but you can't help be scared by it.

5. The Innocents

Time for an oldie, but make no mistakes about it, it may have just reached a half century, but The Innocents is one of the most haunting (literally) films you're ever likely to see. Based on stage adaptation of Henry James' The Turn Of The Screw, this is the tale of a governess who takes charge of the two children left in a stately home by their nonchalant uncle, but things seem to be awry from the very off. The housemaid seems to believe in pretending to get rid of a problem...and the previous two members of staff, having mysteriously died  seem to have a presence in the home. Are they really there...are they trying to possess the children? Who is that singing in the garden...who keeps appearing at the window...and who stands over the lake? Seriously, the lake and window scene actually scare the living bajeebuz out of me to this day. Oh, and if that's not enough, part of the soundtrack is used in the cursed videotape seen in The Ring, so yeah, it's pretty damn scary.

4. The Grudge

It was absolutely trashed by the critics, but seemingly loved by a large group of fans, it is, in my opinion, the king of the J-horror (...though really it's K-Horror) movement which swept Western audiences in the early 2000s, it's the pants wetting The Grudge. A remake of the South Korean Ju-on: The Grudge. The story ropes you in, simply because you realise that no matter what you do, this curse is going to claim you. The feeling of helplessness really makes you squirm for the victims, not to mention the fact that tiny, blue-tinted Asian boys who meow are apparently UNBELIEVABLY CREEPY. And then you have the lovely Kayako, the lady of the haunted house, who is quite probably one of the most terrifying creations of cinema history. The bone creaking, throat rattling spindly onryu ghost reminds you of The Ring...but she doesn't just come out of the television...just you try hiding from her...I don't recommend under the duvet.

3. The Shining

Again, if you haven't seen this film, there's something wrong with you, The Shining has become a classic of cinema itself, nevermind horror. Stanley Kubrick's take on Stephen King's masterpiece is the example of tension and suspense...plus a masterclass in psychotic breakdowns from Jack Nicholson. This story has made us creeped out by hotels, which takes some doing. Any number of scenes can be chosen to scare you, whether it's the waterfall of blood, the exchange with Lloyd the barman or those exceptionally shudder-inducing twins, the film may not be as ground-breaking in scares as it was upon first release, but I dare any first time viewers to not freak out a little when watching Mr Torrance snap. After all, all work and no play...

2. The Thing

The 1980s brought us many things, and unfortunately, many of them we can't forgive...mullets, lycra and Madonna, for a start. But the 80s did give us something we should forever be grateful for: movie special effects. The Thing is a classic example of why you don't need CGI to impress or terrify, when a much more gruesome effect can be achieved by the prop department. The story of an ice base team set upon by an alien which can take the shape of seemingly any living thing. The paranoia and claustrophobia alone are enough to put the shivers in you, but then there's the Thing itself, which we never see in a natural form, only in the disgustingly mutated shape of the crew and even their huskies. The infamous "head spider" scene has got to be one of the most memorable of any film, and I'll be amazed if you get the same stomach-churning, flesh tearing effect from a computer that you get here. Truly disgusting, but absolutely brilliant.

1. Halloween

Okay, I know it looks like a massive cliche to pick this as my favourite Halloween Horror, but all gimmickyness aside, Halloween deserves the top spot. For a start, it jump-started the slasher genre, which hadn't really been done properly since Psycho, eighteen years earlier. But secondly, and most importantly, it was one of the first films to successfully merge the supernatural and the truly normal. What could be more scary than a perfectly ordinary, sleepy suburb, in the middle of celebrating the spooky holiday in the true American style, whilst unwittingly being invaded by the seemingly indestructible, unstoppable and damn right evil serial killer, Michael Myers. Society tends to be fascinated by serial killers, we tend to assign a supernatural element to them, so therefore it seems only natural that Michael Myers actually becomes the supernatural whilst on his rampage. Officially credited as "The Shape", Myers moves almost entirely silently, and simply stands in view of his victims, whether that be in plain sight in the street, or partially obscured by their laundry (probably the scariest image in most horror films I've seen), he simultaneously sneaks up on his targets, and announces himself without hiding. Yep, Halloween embodies the spirit of the holiday, no matter how old we get, we're always guilty of thinking that the boogeyman is waiting for us somewhere, and who says that it's not Myers who makes us want to sprint up the stairs like little girls when we turn off the light at night?


Thank you for reading, and let me know which films tickle your Halloween-y fancy, as I know I missed out some great ones.

Happy Halloween to you all.

Johnny English Reborn

Brace yourselves...it's time for a review of one of the least expected sequels of all time. Rowan Atkinson returns as Johnny English Reborn.

If, like me, you were a big fan of Johnny English, you're probably a massive fan of Rowan Atkinson in general. Frankly, I'd probably pay to see him in anything up to and including a one-man-show remake of Terminator 2, Alien and The Shawshank Redemption. However, like me, even as a fan you were probably thinking that despite a cult following, it wasn't really popular enough to get a sequel, let alone that one should come out eight years after the original, when pretty much every one had forgotten about the first. But NO! NO! Said Hollywood...Well, Atkinson and the writing staff really. But I'm glad they did.

Let's get this straight, no one going to see this is expecting to see a genuinely great piece of cinema, and more over, no one is really expecting the story being told to be anything more than a vehicle for spy spoofs, but what you should expect, is that any film with Rowan Atkinson attached is going to be a comedy treat with bells on it. And that's exactly what this sequel delivers.

Simply put, JER runs very similarly to the first, but plays off on the predecessor for the benefit of the fans. A great deal of the jokes are made with reference to English's previous bumblings in either the first film or the gap in between, and it's still absolutely hilarious. The plot of the film itself is essentially an amalgamation of GoldenEye and Die Another Day, spoofed in the way only we British folk can: slapsticktastically. If nothing else, this will be a guaranteed guilty pleasure for most people, as you'll catch yourself laughing even when you recognise that some of the humour is occasionally a bit cheesey.

Personally, it's something of a joy to see Atkinson back on the screen after a four year absence, because the man is a national treasure. There's a reason he's heralded as one of the finest comedy actors around, and oddly enough, Johnny English is one of the perfect characters for him to display it: he does the goofed up suave spoofs and the completely ludicrous rubber-faced classics of his Mr. Bean days (particularly shown off in the brilliantly daft Rocky-montage-ish Monk scene at the start). He is certainly the star of the show, as the screen time is almost entirely dedicated to him, and you can't help but love him.

As for the support, Rosamund Pike makes you laugh simply by recalling that she played a similar role in a Bond film ten years ago, and Gillian Anderson gives a performance you'd expect from an 'M' of a spy film. However, the secret pleasure we get out of all the support is that Tim McInnery joins Atkinson on screen once more, as his 'Q', Patch Quartermaine. McInnery's appearance reminds you just a tad of Darling in Blackadder, which as we all know, is certainly not a bad thing. The only shame is that Ben Miller's character from the first film, Bough is not seen at any point, and a daft cameo would very much have been appreciated by the fans.

Overall, this is a 'you get what you pay for' film. You turn up expecting a daft hour and a half of Rowan Atkinson doing what he does best, and in no way do you leave disappointed. Complaints? If I have any, they would simply be MORE, the second half of the film tends to leave you waiting longer between gags than the first, but when they arrive, they're usually spot on.

3/5 - I'm certainly not saying it's bad, because it's not (I was genuinely surprised by this), but it's not going to be the best comedy you're likely to find at the cinema. However, it certainly makes you laugh, and...well...It's Rowan Atkinson again!

P.S. Stick around after the credits for a great Morecambe and Wise style kitchen musical number.

2012 Films We Needs To See!

Otherwise known as the 'I Haven't Been To The Cinema In Ages' blog, this time will be looking at some of the movies coming out next year...most of which I'm unbelievably excited for. Some are also a bit pants looking. But hey-ho, roll with the punches and all that.

First up is a horror film which actually creeped me out in the trailer, The Woman In Black.

Okay, this film has a lot of pressure on it already...Daniel Radcliffe is going to have to do very well for people to take it seriously without shouting out "DERRR...WHY DON'T HE DONE USE A PATRONUS". But this film is based on a pretty scary Victorian-style novel, and adapted for the big screen by Jane Goldman, who was also responsible for Stardust, Kick-Ass and X-Men: First Class, so yeah, it's got good foundations. And in terms of good horror, Victorian-style is probably the best...it brings us right back to chain rattling, corridor bothering spirits that we'll all wet our pants at without wanting to admit it... How many of us run up the stairs when we turn out the light in case a shadowy thing we can't quite see chases us? Yep, that's basically what we're talking about in this film. Radcliffe plays a lawyer seeking to sort out the legal issues of a recently deceased woman, and stays in a house plagued by supernatural mischief. Check the trailer out...I can't wait.

Second...the culmination of all the fantastic super-heroe movies... The Avengers.

I really don't think there's much I need to say abouOH MY GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING! Look at it, we'll have Robert Downey Jnr as Iron Man, Chris Evans as Captain America, Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff and Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk (no picture yet) just to name a few. Oh, and it's directed by Joss Wheadon, responsible for Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Speed, Toy Story and Thor. So yes. It's going to be brilliant, I mean...come on! Definitely fake, but still entertaining trailer here.

Neeext, and it's a sci-fi piece of greatness. Prometheus.

Here it is: a new piece of the Alien franchise actually directed by Ridley Scott. After watching the series get absolutely butchered by Alien Vs Predator, it would seem Mr Scott (Alien, Blade Runner, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down, Kingdom Of Heaven, American Gangster...) has decided to go back and save his baby. Prometheus is, however, not strictly speaking a prequel. In fact, Scott has distanced it from the franchise slightly, however, the basis of the story is set 30 years prior to the first Alien outing, and explores the first possible encounters with creatures and technology seen in the other films. It stars Noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender and Guy Pearce. And it's going to be spiffing. Possibly fake trailer here.

Like you need an introduction for the next one: The Dark Knight Rises.

Unless you're a bit weird, you loved The Dark Knight, so unless you're still a bit weird, you'll definitely be waiting on the edge of your seat for this, the final part in Christopher Nolan's Batman series. This time Christian Bale and Gary Oldman are battling against Anne Hathaway's Catwoman, and Tom Hardy's Bane. Along with pretty much every one else who was in Inception. You know what to expect from this, and if it's anything like the first two, it's going to be simply fantastic. And now that we know gadgets like the batwing (a ridiculously cool plane for Batman, in case you needed to know) have been thrown in, I think I safely predict that we're all in for a bit of a treat. Trailer fun here.

Penultimate one I'm going to mention is a zombie apocalypse giant, World War Z.

It's not out until December 2012, so doesn't have a poster yet, but basically here's the jist: Brad Pitt is a UN employee travelling the world, interviewing the survivors of the zombie apocalypse, known as World War Z. It's based on the novel by Max Brooks (son of living movie god Mel), a book so popular upon it's release, you'd be hard pushed to find one in twenty people who hadn't at least heard of it. I have high hopes.

And finally, the one I really am looking forward to the most... The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.

Again, this one comes out too far into the future to have a poster just yet, but things really are coming together quite nicely. After a scare of whether or not it would happen, due to changes in director, Peter Jackson, the man who brought us the Lord Of The Rings films decided to step in...like anyone else should do it instead! If you've read the novel, you probably fell a little bit in love with it, and it couldn't be in safer hands than with Mr. Jackson. The cast has pretty much all been announced, the notable members include: Martin Freeman as Bilbo, Sir Ian Holm returns as the older Bilbo, Sir Ian McKellen (!) returns as Gandalf, Richard Armitage as Thorin, Andy Serkis returns as Gollum, Hugo Weaving returns as Elrond, Cate Blanchett returns as Galadriel, Christopher Lee returns as Saruman, and small cameo roles are give to Elijah Wood and Orlando Bloom as Frodo and Legolas respectively. Even Stephen Fry has a part, as the Master Of Lake-Town. And probably the most bizarre member of the cast, as the Great Goblin, is Barry Humphries...yes, that's Dame Edna.

Look, I don't need to sell this to you, it's going to be easily in the top three best performing films of the next five years, never mind next year. Millions of us will see it, and millions of us will love returning to Middle Earth again. And no, I honestly do not care just how splendidly nerdish that sounds.

Before I leave you (and you've done well to stick with it this long), it would also seem that 2012 is going to be the year of flogging a dead horse. Next year there will be unexpected (and most likely unwanted) new offerings in the following franchises: Underworld, Journey To The Centre Of The Earth, Clash Of The Titans, American Pie (actually featuring the original cast), Scary Movie, Men In Black (even including Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones....somehow) and G.I. Joe. At least there'll be a new James Bond to look forward to then.

Finally, in terms of reboot or remakes, expect to find Ghost Rider back again...even with Nicholas Cage...Yep, I have no idea how they let him have another crack at it either, a new Judge Dredd film, with Karl Urban trying to get rid of Sly Stallone's version for us... And last and definitely not least, the new version of Spider-Man comes out, which might actually you know...be good.

Thanks for reading if you managed to stick with it.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - I'm With You

Buenos Hellos everypeople. Seeing as I've not been able to get myself to the cinema in the last couple of weeks, I thought I'd throw something different at you. Not only am I known to be a proven film addict/saddact, I'm also pretty much just as bad when it comes to music. So here it is: my take on the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album, I'm With You.

After a pretty huge, and seemingly never ending five year wait, the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album is finally here, I'm With You was released at the very end of August this year. I'd say it's worth the wait.

Now I don't want to make constant references to the previous album, so I'll try and get it all out of the way now. Let's put it simple: Stadium Arcadium was a bit rubbish. The band for some reason decided to take about five decent songs, make two more bland versions of each and put it all together to make one fairly abysmal double album, where a poor standard album would have sufficed. That album lacked a great deal of what makes the Chilis the Chilis; call that funk, soul or even just a general care for what they're doing. And I honestly believe that it is because of that album that John Frusciante, for me one of the best guitarists out there, left the band, and I think it's fair to say you'd be forgiven for thinking that that may have spelled the end for RHCP.

But praise Jesus, Buddah, Allah and Kwanzaabot it wasn't. The three long-serving members of the band regrouped and recruited Josh Klinghoffer, their long-time touring guitarist, who sounds a little bit like Frusciante, but with a great deal of his own style thrown in there on top. Good move.

The new album sounds a lot more like By The Way than the last effort, but this time with a bit more of a funk and disco influence, which goes back to the style the band is known for from the late 1980s. There's everything you'd expect from the usual three here: Anthony Kiedis' vocals are as smooth and pleasing as ever; Flea's bass lines are bouncy and funky enough; and Chad Smith's drumming is as unobtrusive yet impressive as ever. And for the new boy, it's a pretty good debut. His style, like mentioned earlier, is a little like Frusciante in places, however, he's quite fond of a much lower, reverb-y sound, which is actually pretty exciting in a weird way, as we're not really used to hearing that on a Chilis song.

However, there are a couple of drawbacks here. While Kiedis' vocals are good, some of the lyrics are just plain bizarre. I'm not really questioning an art form here, but... "Just a lot of words on an old brick wall, 
Rob a lot of banks got a pedigree scrawl. Put my peg into your square, Run around like we just don't care." Yep. My thoughts exactly.

Similarly, Flea, whilst producing nice enough and indeed impressive enough basslines, isn't really pushed into anything new. I know he's been at it for the best part of thirty years now, but his efforts on this album are pretty much the same as on the last one. Again, it's not necessarily a bad thing, but you can't help but wonder if he's been taking a bit of a back seat whilst the new guy settles a bit more. Then again, I could be, and probably am, extremely wrong, as his playing certainly suits the album.

The whole effort runs together very nicely, from the storming opener to the softer ending, I can honestly say there isn't a track on there that I don't enjoy. Particular praise has to go to Monarchy Of Roses, Ethiopia, and the lead single The Adventures Of Rain Dance Maggie. Not even the loss of Frusciante's vocals has dragged the band down either, as Klinghoffer provides oddly eerie harmonies in his wake.

I'm With You is a solid return to form for a band that desperately needed it. It's not fantastic, but it's nice and steady, and there's nothing wrong with that. I think I believe the band when they say that this feels almost like a completely new group, their sound is back to a similar level as it was in the late 1990s-early 2000s, but with subtle differences that've been thrown into the mix by Mr Klinghoffer.

4/5 - It's not a masterpiece, but I really enjoy it quite a lot.

Cowboys & Aliens

Yep. Here it is: probably the film I've been most excited for this summer, the absolutely ludicrous Cowboys & Aliens. From the second I heard the title, I knew it was going to be brilliantly fun, then when I found out that not only would the usually faultless Daniel Craig and Olivia Wilde have roles, but also attached was movie legend and the man pretty much every bloke would give his right arm and kidney to be, Harrison Ford. And just to make it even more perfect, it's directed by John Favreau, the man responsible for the fairly fantastic Iron Man films. Yeah...this film had a huge amount of hype to live up to.

...

Luckily, it lived up to it. Take that, suspense!

Right from the off you find yourself absolutely loving Daniel Craig's Jake Lonergan character, a typical rough, tough, sweaty, dirty, knuckleslinging cowboy you'd want to find in any good Western movie. We're gradually brought into the story almost through Lonergan's eyes, as he tries to unravel the mystery of the strange metallic bracelet he has suddenly found attached to his arm. Even though we all know the idea of alien meet cowboy situation is off the chart crazy, we sort of just go along with it, in a very good way. We accept it, because the characters are genuinely surprised by the appearance of alien activity. And it's through Lonergan that we get to this point, as he slowly unearths the answers to more questions surrounding both the bracelet and his lack of memory from the starting point of the film.

Olivia Wilde fills a role which is somewhat familiar to the Western genre yet again, albeit with a fairly massive twist. She plays Ella Swenson, the mysterious traveller who seems to know too much about our heroes and their situation, far more than said heroes know themselves. And the twist...nope. It's a goodun, if a little predictable when you're watching it, but you'll have to go see it...Totally worth it mind.

And then of course, there's Sir Harrison of Ford. We may all remember him for being Han Solo and Indiana Jones, and rightly so, but his role as Colonel Woodrow Dolarhyde is one that he seems to have been made for in his more senior age. He's another Western standard - the crotchety war veteran, still feared and still with a great deal of power, although he has a much more tender side to him, which is brought out through his relationship with his son and closest companion. Ford does everything you want him to, from gunslinging to great tongue-in-cheek lines, his overall performance is very much impressive...and as much as I enjoyed the fourth Indiana Jones film, there's something satisfactory about him getting his own back on some aliens who may or may not have been involved in Indy 4.

Oh, there's also Sam Rockwell in it too, playing Doc, the saloon owner of the town in the middle of the alien dilemma. Doc is basically there to provide a bit of comic relief, which Rockwell manages easily, as well as getting across a bit of a more serious side, dealing with the disappearance of his wife early in the film.

The story is a good one, nice and simple really. You could easily just replace the "&" in the title with "VS" and you've got the top and bottom of it. But like I rambled on about before, even though you know the concept is more than a little insane, at no point do you really think about it as such. It's all done with an honest sense of humour - it knows it's a bit ridiculous - but it's just about serious enough to make you think...well what would it be like if cowboys stumbled across aliens? The film just gets over the alien factor by applying that oh-so American, and particularly cowboy mantra of  "Yep, that's a massive problem that I never thought of...but it needs sorting". And even more American, that problem is sorted with guns. Lots of guns. And possibly the coolest weapon ever to imminently hit Toy'r'Us shelves in the form of Daniel Craig's bracelet deely.

And just to prove once more that Favreau is a director of genuine talent, not only does he make sure that the characters develop gradually, not only does he secure a sense of humour about the film, but he ensures that the special effects do not become overbearing and cheesey. All too easy it would have been to make the aliens absolutely horrendous to look at - and they still are pretty weirdy - but Favreau reigns it in and gets the balance right between scary alien and farcical. So basically, nothing as truly disturbing as this. There's also a bit of a new take on alien weaponry, other than just lasers and various beams, there's a extremely shiny array of mysterious metallic rope lines, weird spaceship things, and a heap of supernatural lights going on.

I guess all in all, the film embodies everything you can find in Independence Day, but with a bit less cheese in it. And I mean, come on...you know you all sort of want to see Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford shooting at a big bunch of aliens with old school pistols and shotguns, right?

4/5 - It's great, extremely entertaining, acted, directed and almost everything elsed very well. Only thing that lets it down somewhat is the fact that the story is guilty of going a bit wishy-washy, major details sometimes arise and are just taken on board, rather than speculated over...or even reacted to in some cases.

Nonetheless, this film is one of the most fun things you're likely to see at the cinema this year. Just make sure you go see it without taking it too seriously. It's a good story, but it wants you to know it's trying to entertain, and it manages it with great ease.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

This year is the year that those clever people over in movieland finally decided to exorcise the memory of that abomination that was Tim Burton's reboot of the classic Planet of the Apes, and good lord they've struck gold.

Yep, this week I went off to see Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, Rupert Wyatt's attempt to eradicate scenes like THIS from history...We can forgive, Tim, but we'll never forget.

In all honesty, I can't ever really remember being that in to any of the original franchise, other than the original, and after Burton went all hill-billy-cop-in-the-basement-from-Pulp-Fiction with the attempted rebooting, I never really had much urge to look back over them. What's more, I was mainly swayed by one of my mates being extremely amused by Draco Malfoy saying "stupid monkey" in the trailer. It turned out to be a pretty damn good decision, this is how you reboot a series, please take note, anyone involved with Superman Returns, Rob Zombie's take on Halloween and The Pink Panther Steve Martin atrocities.

This film some how manages to allow you to get past the admittedly amusing vision of monkeys taking over San Francisco, and forces you to genuinely empathise with the ape characters as if they were members of Tom Hanks' boys in Saving Private Ryan. Seriously. It's a bit weird.

Looking at the cast, James Franco puts on a nice and honest portrayal of a man simply in too deep with professional and family crises, solid but unspectacular, allowing us all to focus on the key action - the apes themselves. Unsurprisingly, like all of the cleverest movie bigwigs, when ROTPOTA (which for some reason amuses me) needed a genius of the motion capture world, they hired Andy Serkis to play Caesar, the first ape to successfully respond to Franco's viral cure to Alzheimer's, and whose intelligence increases rapidly as a result. I really don't know what else I have to say about Serkis, I'm pretty sure I've never seen him letting himself down in any film, in any guise...though I haven't see Burke And Hare, mind you. I actually forgot the chimp was an actor in a mocap suit for a good period of the opening hour of the film, it's pretty impressive.

The nearly show stealing performance, however, belongs to John Lithgow, yep, him off of 3rd Rock From The Sun, playing Franco's father, who is deteriorating through Alzheimer's. For a man we pretty much only associate as being a bit of the comic fool, if not being a pain in Sly Stallone's mountain climbing backside, Lithgow puts on a display of a man declining mentally that really is stunning. His character is basically the catalyst that brings on the change in the world of the apes, and it's only right that Lithgow, a man we're used to seeing playing the lovable idiot, falling to pieces, which just makes his situation that much more soul destroying.

Oh...and Tom Felton is in it too, probably proving that he's odds on to actually have the best career after the world of Harry Potter. He's actually pretty good, even if he is proving that America still loves casting us British folk as the bad guys - the other 'villain' character, Franco's boss, is also played by a Brit, David Oyelowo - but I suppose we can forgive it...because let's face it, we are fairly convincing dastards.

The plot is a strong one, as said before, it's surprisingly convincing...you don't feel too daft following and loving it. The CGI is pretty great too, there's only one or two of the apes that you can honestly tell are computerised, even though we all know they're all fake anyhow. And, best of all, the film sets itself nicely up for a sequel or two, even throwing in a lovely little treat for us sci-fi nerds out there in the form of mentioning the first manned mission to Mars, which will link nicely into one of the astronauts coming back to a world ransacked by the apes.

All in all, this will take some serious beating by the other sci-fi films coming out this year, though I have really high hopes for Super 8 and Cowboys And Aliens, no word of a lie, this film is pretty top notch.

5/5 - I don't really like giving things top marks, particularly when dealing with the stigma of a sci-fi movie, but I honestly can't think of anything wrong with this one. Acting was great all round, plot was great and effects were brilliant. So yeah...full marks indeed. Go see it!

P.S. This one has a minor role for Brian Cox, who is also awesome. Hoorah.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

I'm still here! Pardon the absence over the last few weeks, I've been busier than an extremely busy thing at the peak of the financial year in the industry of busy-ness. Or moving house, as it's also known. However, now I'm back for a bit, before the internet runs off for a little while again. So in the mean timey bit, I went out to the cinema once or twice...and saw the same film once or twice. Yes indeed, it's that time at last, the final instalment of the Harry Potter cinema adventure has landed, and I was one of those fortunate/sad enough to get themselves to the midnight screening. What a collection of life you get there...Honest to god truth, I saw a guy dressed as what I can only describe as an Italian wizard, complete with staff, standing under the projector beam, making weird magical movements with his hands. I wish I could get away with being that completely crackers.

Right, bit of a background on my take: I grew at a time that would have been perfect to read the books, being of that generation, however, I'm slightly ashamed to say I hadn't read a single book of the series until last November. Thanks to that though, I feel I can safely dodge around all the massive clichés you'll find from uber-fans whinging too much about how "it wasn't like that in the books!", but I'll inevitably still be a bit of a prat about it. So err, sorry, I think.

I'm just going to lay it out there; this film is pretty much faaabulous!We all know how the films have gradually become darker, following the novels, but there's also a great little twist of humour in a large amount of the scenes to keep the kiddies all happybouncy. Let's face it, if you've read any of the books, you've seen this film. If you've seen all the other films, you've seen this film. If you did neither, you're not going to watch this one...and it's probably best you don't as you're thrown straight into the action from where the last one ended, and it's at that point we start the endless reel of acting talent from the more senior members of the cast. First it's Warwick Davis' first appearance as Griphook...he genuinely makes you untrusting of a race of tiny, pointy-eared, weirdy-eyed imaginary people. Follow him up with one of my personal favourite actors, John Hurt - he returns as Mr Ollivander for the first time since the very first film, and even though he's only on the screen for about 2 minutes he's JOHN HURT...I mean, come on.

Other great  (if fairly short on actual screen time) performances come from Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange, Michael Gambon as Dumbledore, Helen McCrory as Narcissa Malfoy and of course, the surely-he-has-to-be-knighted-soon Alan Rickman, giving a masterclass of pretty much every emotion going (other than hysterical pregnancy), as Snape. But special praise needs to be held for two of the 'adult' cast who really make a close call of stealing the show. The first of these is Maggie Smith, Minerva McGonagall. Completely absent in the previous film (through no fault of anyone other than the stretching of the story), she was missed greatly, there's just something you have to love about her and that ridiculously stern business face. Here, we see her embodying the very spirit of the story: good standing up against evil no matter what the costs. In this case, the usually all sensible, highly strung professor cracks and throws aside even her tightly pulled bun of hair and bursts into several waves of emotion. None better than her excitement at animating the various statues of Hogwarts, or her simple expression of happiness upon the return of our eponymous hero.

Second in the list of They Were Pretty Good Them Like, is Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort. Sidenote...Voldemort is apparently accepted by my autocorrect, nice. But yes, Fiennes shows brilliantly the downfall of an all too confident supervillain being brought slowly to his knees. We see He Who Will Try To Kill You Anyway So You Might As Well Call Him Voldemort go from being utterly heartless and brutal in his dispatching of a random henchman, to becoming a shaking mess as more Horcruxes are destroyed, until he finally seems to have cracked in relief, if nothing else, when he finally believes he has ridden himself of the Boy Who Lived. Indeed, there is a moment where we can't quite work out if Fiennes is overacting or if noseless wonder has simply lost one too many sandwiches from his picnic, where, upon 'killing' Harry, he laughs...somewhat similar to what I'd imagine a mentally special grizzly bear would sound. Fiennes really does present a great portrayal of someone who just can't get away from that pesky kid, but mixes it nicely with his SS officer experience from Schindler's List, to create something terrifying enough for children, and still seen as the one you want Harry to mop the floor with for the adults.

Now for the students...I'm not going to sugarcoat it, the majority of them can't really act, but they do the job. Of the main three, we've come to accept that Rupert Grint is the best at it, and although he has criminally few lines, he really does sink his teeth into them when they turn up, particularly when anything comedic rears a head. But by and far the best of all the kids is the performance of Matthew Lewis...the godlike Neville Longbottom. Again, I'm not going to say he's an amazing actor, frankly I've more chance of being cast as Indiana Jones in the 2030 reboots than he has of being given an Oscar, but he's pretty good. The fact that he seems a bit awkward just sort of fits, Neville is the hero that nobody expected, the true class donkey come good. He gets some of the best lines in the whole film and you just have to look at him in awe. In a total non-homoerotic manner, the man looks Herculean, it's staggering. Mind you, I do love the fact that he's so Yorkshire he pronounces 'DemenTOR' as 'DementER', it's the most trivial things you notice...

The film handles the story very well, and keeps pretty much everything in tact, and the tweaks made for the purpose of cinematic AWESOMEFACTOR are totally fine. Only gripe I have with the whole thing is a pretty lazy attempt at making a 3D production. At no point is the 3D effect used for anything other that "heh, that was in 3D", such as the Warner Bros logo coming right out of the screen at you, not to mention a good few snake attack moments. Not worth the extra cost, but there you go.

So yeah, it's pretty much great. And worth the price of admission simply for the reactions of superfans everywhere. I was tears, mass huggings, and, (it's your own fault for telling me this), I hear that one of my more cool acquaintances shouted out "IT'S THE END" as the credits rolled. Priceless.

The Harry Potter experience is over...for now, but it was certainly a good ride.

4/5 - Pretty great, just the whole acting and 3D thing that brings it down.

Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

First proper post alert! And there was much rejoicing!

Okay now that that's over with... The first film I'm going to be looking at is Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, the third instalment of the Michael Bay directed franchise. And we're all still scared of any film with his name attached to it, aren't we? Yes, he did recreate Pearl Harbour in a manner so horrifically disastrous that the very release of the film can be considered somewhat of a microcosm of the event itself, and yes he may have actually attempted to direct a Vanilla Ice video (seriously), but I believe we're all a little guilty of criticising his massive...massive reliance on special effects and BIG SHINY THINGS. As an avid fan of most things horror - be they scary and great, or laughably terrible (and therefore still great), he has resurrected a few staples of the genre and updated them, some much better than others, but I for one genuinely enjoyed his production of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre a whole lot more than I did with the original, and his reboot of Friday The 13th was also a nice way of dragging Jason back from the ludicrous escapades he got up to in space and scuffling with Freddy, the cheeky scamp. I'm not saying he's a good story teller, so don't get me wrong, I mean, the man hasn't really come up with an original idea in, well, ever, really. But he certainly knows how to entertain, even if you do feel slightly ashamed at just how preoccupied you are by the aforementioned big shiny things. Which leads us nicely to Dark Of The Moon.

A bit of a fuss was kicked up about just how this second sequel was going to turn out, given the utter dross that was Revenge Of The Fallen, and the finest lampost actress the world has ever seen departing the cast as Megan Fox was replaced by debuting model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, the world of critics and punters alike awaited with baited breath to see what ridiculous plot Bay would throw at them next. I believe that world of critics and punters will have greeted it by making this face.

Fans of the franchise can finally be happy; the comedy side of the story has been removed from the main Autobots and relegated largely to the human characters, and the minor robot members of the cast, so yes, Bumblebee is allowed to just be fairly amazing and less like your uncle at a family birthday. More importantly, the comedy becomes mainly centred on John Turturro, which is no bad thing given that he can actually pull it off.

Now the story itself is a little more sophisticated than the previous offering, and is actually verging on decent: Decepticons hatch devious plan - Humans and Autobots try to thwart plan - Interesting twist about said plan - Autobots must save the day. Sorted. Just what people actually want, because that could have been an episode on the original show.

Yes, there are some annoying inclusions which drag it down somewhat though, such as 90% of Huntington-Whiteley's screen time being dedicated to her various lady-regions for no reason other than LOOK AT HER! Also, the bizarrely racial stereotypes of the Wreckers accents remains - comic relief in the form of Italian, Scottish and Spanish accents mean that somehow we've entered a world of ethnic robot tokenism. And there's a particularly physically infuriating scene involving being able to run up a 45degree angled skyscraper, being able to smash through a window at the top of that incline and then slide down the outside to safety which really boggles my sense of logic. BUT, at the risk of giving Bay his usual back-up plaudits, the SFX in this film are staggeringly brilliant. Be truthful, one of the main reasons why people who weren't avid fans of the original series are going to see this film is because of the transforming sequences, and they are by far worth the price of the ticket.

Then there's Optimus Prime. I don't know how, given that he has a criminally short amount of screen time given to him, but he's rapidly become one of my favourite heroes of the big screen, I poop you not, I actually had goosebumps every time he transformed. He's probably the second best actor in the film too, and he's not beaten by Huntington-Whiteley, I'm sorry to say.

Overall, the script is a bit shaky, and a few of the cast could really do with a bit more shoving in the right direction, but the plot is actually pretty good, and, of course, the visuals are fantastic. It's not a half bad film, and at the very least saved us from the memory of the first sequel, which is nothing short of cause for celebration.

So it's at this point that I'll probably start giving things ratings, so let's say an 'out of five' scale here...

3/5  - Decent plot and great action scenes, just a shame about some of the acting.

P.S. Leonard Nimoy is in it. So it should get bonus points.

We Have Lift Off

Hello, guten tag, bonjour, hola and various other overused, over-excited greetings that you see all too often on the internet to you all.

I have no idea why I started this page up, but apparently an urge overtook me to start inflicting my insights on various things upon the world in another format. I'll be brutally honest; this page will mostly consist of reviews of films I've either seen at the cinema recently, or ones that I've stayed up till far too late to watch on TV, hardly original, I know, but it's therapeutic for me, at least.  You can pretty much count on the occasional dribbling on the world of football, though I hope not to spend my time moaning.Also, I'll probably be throwing in odd reviews of albums and gigs if I can ever really be bothered too. Warning: posts will likely contain comedy in-jokes and references from time to time, you can award yourselves gold stars if you spot them...even more so if you see one that I wasn't aware I'd plagiarised. Penguin.

I'm not going to say I hope you enjoy it, because I partially hope I'll make someone shake their fist at the screen in sheer gangrenous perturbitude at my plebocity that I gain a nemesis. Greetings, future Skeletor to my He-Man!

So without further ado...
Roboteers..ACTIVATE!